It continues with the confusion and shock of her two adult daughters facing the news…and each other. How do you step into parenting your parent when you have always been the child? And how do you link hands with a sibling you love but find irritating?
When the daughters came to Abacus, hoping we could help their mother live at home with quality care as long as possible, we listened more than talked. What we heard was mostly chaos. The mother had a significant but unmanaged real estate portfolio, plus a hodgepodge of annuities, bank accounts and stock certificates, scattered among multiple financial institutions. The sisters did not communicate well and had no history of working together financially. While they were united in their goal to provide care for their mother, they brought different perspectives, risk tolerances and personal interests to the table. Where to begin?
Our first action would be surprising to most advisors trained to jump in with hectic problem solving colored by preconceptions and off-the-shelf solutions. Based on experience and training, we knew the sisters needed time and support before they could work effectively with each other or even with us. We initiated individual meetings to draw out each one's reactions to the situation, make room for their grief and anger, and explore their goals and values. When they seemed ready, we transitioned to a series of delicate family meetings and eventually crafted a successful strategy for their mother's home care. As this was accomplished, there was an unexpected bonus. Through the many conversations we helped each sister unearth her own unique skills for the health of the family and – amazingly – the family's finances. Combining their skills enabled the previously warring sisters to create a new family business in which the fallow real estate holdings were developed into a successful venture.
Bottom line: What began as an urgent need at a time of sadness – mapping out the mother's cash flow to support home care for her dementia – blossomed into a successful transition for each daughter from child to caretaker and then to partner. In the midst of loss, being truly heard by Abacus helped each woman gain the unexpected: how the complex can be made simple, and how meshing their unique talents into a singular force can make anything possible.
It continues with the confusion and shock of her two adult daughters facing the news…and each other. How do you step into parenting your parent when you have always been the child? And how do you link hands with a sibling you love but find irritating?
When the daughters came to Abacus, hoping we could help their mother live at home with quality care as long as possible, we listened more than talked. What we heard was mostly chaos. The mother had a significant but unmanaged real estate portfolio, plus a hodgepodge of annuities, bank accounts and stock certificates, scattered among multiple financial institutions. The sisters did not communicate well and had no history of working together financially. While they were united in their goal to provide care for their mother, they brought different perspectives, risk tolerances and personal interests to the table. Where to begin?
Our first action would be surprising to most advisors trained to jump in with hectic problem solving colored by preconceptions and off-the-shelf solutions. Based on experience and training, we knew the sisters needed time and support before they could work effectively with each other or even with us. We initiated individual meetings to draw out each one's reactions to the situation, make room for their grief and anger, and explore their goals and values. When they seemed ready, we transitioned to a series of delicate family meetings and eventually crafted a successful strategy for their mother's home care. As this was accomplished, there was an unexpected bonus. Through the many conversations we helped each sister unearth her own unique skills for the health of the family and – amazingly – the family's finances. Combining their skills enabled the previously warring sisters to create a new family business in which the fallow real estate holdings were developed into a successful venture.
Bottom line: What began as an urgent need at a time of sadness – mapping out the mother's cash flow to support home care for her dementia – blossomed into a successful transition for each daughter from child to caretaker and then to partner. In the midst of loss, being truly heard by Abacus helped each woman gain the unexpected: how the complex can be made simple, and how meshing their unique talents into a singular force can make anything possible.
It continues with the confusion and shock of her two adult daughters facing the news…and each other. How do you step into parenting your parent when you have always been the child? And how do you link hands with a sibling you love but find irritating?
When the daughters came to Abacus, hoping we could help their mother live at home with quality care as long as possible, we listened more than talked. What we heard was mostly chaos. The mother had a significant but unmanaged real estate portfolio, plus a hodgepodge of annuities, bank accounts and stock certificates, scattered among multiple financial institutions. The sisters did not communicate well and had no history of working together financially. While they were united in their goal to provide care for their mother, they brought different perspectives, risk tolerances and personal interests to the table. Where to begin?
Our first action would be surprising to most advisors trained to jump in with hectic problem solving colored by preconceptions and off-the-shelf solutions. Based on experience and training, we knew the sisters needed time and support before they could work effectively with each other or even with us. We initiated individual meetings to draw out each one's reactions to the situation, make room for their grief and anger, and explore their goals and values. When they seemed ready, we transitioned to a series of delicate family meetings and eventually crafted a successful strategy for their mother's home care. As this was accomplished, there was an unexpected bonus. Through the many conversations we helped each sister unearth her own unique skills for the health of the family and – amazingly – the family's finances. Combining their skills enabled the previously warring sisters to create a new family business in which the fallow real estate holdings were developed into a successful venture.
Bottom line: What began as an urgent need at a time of sadness – mapping out the mother's cash flow to support home care for her dementia – blossomed into a successful transition for each daughter from child to caretaker and then to partner. In the midst of loss, being truly heard by Abacus helped each woman gain the unexpected: how the complex can be made simple, and how meshing their unique talents into a singular force can make anything possible.